An occasional entry on the frivolous subject of fashion that I find endlessly fascinating. Not just the combination of colors, shapes, and textures involved in dressing daily but also what the image says about social status, personality, state of mind, and credit card limit.
Why is it that women are told to avoid vpl (visible panty line) at all costs yet it has become accepted to wear darker bras under lighter shirts. Why is it okay to show, indeed flaunt, your brassiere but it's somehow disgusting to show the world that you're wearing underpants. Surely not wearing underpants is more disgusting? Women wear red or black bras under white shirts, calling undue attention to their breasts, but should a man notice or comment on the mammary display he could be charged with sexual harassment.
Why is it okay for bras to be visible but seeing an indentation under the buttocks indicating panty elastic around the legs is somehow verboten? A fashionista is either supposed to wear a thong and resist the urge to pluck it from her behind throughout the day or the uber-fashionista may choose commando style.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Caveat Emptor
I have not dated in 32 years. Internet dating is a new frontier for me, one I am braving with excitement and trepidation. It's a tool and I've learned a few things about using it wisely.
I've tried 3 websites. One was paid, 2 were free. I met a conman on the paid site and on one of the free sites so paying for a membership did not weed out scam artists.
Here are some of the things I've learned. When you write your profile you can't make it too generic or vague or you won't attract anyone. But carefully read any responses you get. I found men who parroted back to me the qualities I said I was looking for. I allowed myself to be set up. In giving them a very specific wish list I also gave them a script to follow.
Anyone who has trouble with the English language is a red flag. Not an immediate delete but a sign to proceed with caution. He could be in another country and trying to pose as an american.
Stay local! It's easier to verify someone who's within 25 miles than at the other end of the state or even out of state. Many men will say willing to relocate, distance no problem. Distance will be a problem. If you can't easily see someone 2x a week you won't be able to build a relationship. That's the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is they're scamming you and too far away for you to verify anything they tell you in person.
Be suspicious of anyone who travels out of the country frequently.
Don't be too quick to give out your email address. You're more secure staying on the dating site. If you do reach the point where you want to email someone get an email address that you use only for online dating.
If someone tells you after a week or similarly ridiculously short time that he's sure you're the one, you're his future wife, etc., run. He's days away from telling you he needs a loan.
If anyone asks you your mother's maiden name, run.
If he says he's a widow, find the spouse's obituary online. If you can't find one, run.
Don't spend weeks emailing someone without meeting. If you're at the point where you're emailing each other every day it's time to meet.
If you are emailing someone off the dating website learn how to check an ip address. One guy who told me he was in NJ was actually in Lagos.
Suspicion and cynicism will not make you appealing. But too much trust will make you a target. Trust but verify. Ask yourself is there anything I've told him or he's told me that I would be embarassed to tell a friend? If you can answer that yes you know you've overridden your instincts and it's time to run. You may have allowed your desire for a relationship to overcome your common sense.
The internet is a wonderful tool and can lead you to wonderful people. Just remember that con artists also think it's a wonderful tool and can lead them to wonderful marks.
Trust but verify!
I've tried 3 websites. One was paid, 2 were free. I met a conman on the paid site and on one of the free sites so paying for a membership did not weed out scam artists.
Here are some of the things I've learned. When you write your profile you can't make it too generic or vague or you won't attract anyone. But carefully read any responses you get. I found men who parroted back to me the qualities I said I was looking for. I allowed myself to be set up. In giving them a very specific wish list I also gave them a script to follow.
Anyone who has trouble with the English language is a red flag. Not an immediate delete but a sign to proceed with caution. He could be in another country and trying to pose as an american.
Stay local! It's easier to verify someone who's within 25 miles than at the other end of the state or even out of state. Many men will say willing to relocate, distance no problem. Distance will be a problem. If you can't easily see someone 2x a week you won't be able to build a relationship. That's the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is they're scamming you and too far away for you to verify anything they tell you in person.
Be suspicious of anyone who travels out of the country frequently.
Don't be too quick to give out your email address. You're more secure staying on the dating site. If you do reach the point where you want to email someone get an email address that you use only for online dating.
If someone tells you after a week or similarly ridiculously short time that he's sure you're the one, you're his future wife, etc., run. He's days away from telling you he needs a loan.
If anyone asks you your mother's maiden name, run.
If he says he's a widow, find the spouse's obituary online. If you can't find one, run.
Don't spend weeks emailing someone without meeting. If you're at the point where you're emailing each other every day it's time to meet.
If you are emailing someone off the dating website learn how to check an ip address. One guy who told me he was in NJ was actually in Lagos.
Suspicion and cynicism will not make you appealing. But too much trust will make you a target. Trust but verify. Ask yourself is there anything I've told him or he's told me that I would be embarassed to tell a friend? If you can answer that yes you know you've overridden your instincts and it's time to run. You may have allowed your desire for a relationship to overcome your common sense.
The internet is a wonderful tool and can lead you to wonderful people. Just remember that con artists also think it's a wonderful tool and can lead them to wonderful marks.
Trust but verify!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Sanity Through Writing
I'm not at the beginning of my life but I am at the beginning of the rest of my life. Journaling and writing has always helped me order the confusion in my mind. Putting my thoughts down on paper (or this cyber version) calms me and gives me direction.
Hence the sanity through writing title. I'm emerging from a very long first marriage. Emerging is really the right word. I was overshadowed by my ex and by the marriage. I was married longer than I was single. Part of a couple longer than I was alone. Along the way I lost part of myself and am now on a search to reconnect and rediscover me.
It's scary as all change is. But also exhilarating. I'm surprised at myself and taking delight in myself. Of course not every day is so sunny. But more are sunny than not.
Hence the sanity through writing title. I'm emerging from a very long first marriage. Emerging is really the right word. I was overshadowed by my ex and by the marriage. I was married longer than I was single. Part of a couple longer than I was alone. Along the way I lost part of myself and am now on a search to reconnect and rediscover me.
It's scary as all change is. But also exhilarating. I'm surprised at myself and taking delight in myself. Of course not every day is so sunny. But more are sunny than not.
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