To Friend or Not to Friend

Facebook is the new litnus test for friendships, relationships and acquaintances of all kinds.  I no longer wonder if a date du jour is worthy of introducing to the family but rather do I want to friend him on facebook.  Today I might be inclined to do so but in a month I may want to rescind that and it's easier not to invite him to the party than to ask him to leave once he's arrived.
I have unfriended one person and her feelings were hurt to the point we no longer speak.  Wish I hadn't been so hasty to click her into my facebook life in the first place.
Other people I keep but block them from my news feed.  They're usually connected somehow to my kids and I want to see the photos of my family but not hear the details of their friends' wild and crazy lives.
My kids tell me they would never have friended me on facebook when they were single.  Tmi works both ways.

Looks are Deceptive

Recently I was sitting in the waiting room of a rental car agency.  The two employees behind the counter kept scanning the waiting area, looking at their computer screens and muttering to each other.  Finally one voiced my name, his voice rising at the end into a question as he looked in my direction.  I acknowledged my identity and laughingly told him, "You're having trouble because my appearance doesn't match my name".  Yes he admitted he was looking for someone latina or hispanic and I look more like a Jane Smith.

That disconnect between my name and my apparent ethnicity has happened to me more than once but I've also done it myself.  I had a painter come to my house who I had not met before, just spoken to by phone.  He had a german name, blond hair and blue eyes but spoke with a spanish accent.  I kept staring at him trying to reconcile the appearance with the accent and finally had to ask where he was from.  He confirmed that he was of german extraction but born and raised in South America.  A few years ago I was in the Netherlands and always did a double take when I heard someone with dark hair, eyes and skin speaking dutch and then realized they were indonesian.

So we all need to expand our horizons.  Jane Smith could be any color. 

With time you'll laugh

Time heals all wounds.  Or wounds all heels.  You know you're really healing when you can find the humor.  When you can laugh you know you have some scar tissue.
I was purchasing a car shortly after my ex left.  Extremely sympathetic Armenian salesman at Carmax in Burbank.  He had an odd emblem on his necklace and when I asked him about it he said it represented the three facets of Zoroastrianism.  He seemed shocked that I had heard of it so we bonded over obscure religions.
As I was telling him my sob story of why I was purchasing a vehicle he listened attentively with great empathy.  He leaned forward and said, "You know what is the first thing you have to do?"  "What?"  I replied with anticipation.  Here it comes--an attorney referral, sage financial advice, a job referral.  "First", he said, "you have to change your perfume".

Making Lemonade

No matter what lemons life is currently lobbing at you you can handle it by asking yourself: "What's the worst that could happen?" and then reminding yourself that in 5 years this will turn into a hilarious story.
Ask yourself what the worst case scenario is.  Are you going to die?  Are you going to get cancer?  Are you going to sacrifice your first born?  Is the world going to end?  Probably not so stop stressing so much.
You can make anything sound funny with the right perspective and enough time.  Think of your junior high social bloopers, your mangling of the native language on your first trip to a foreign country, your ignorance as a first time parent.  All fodder for humor now with enough perspective and enough time.

Ye of Little Faith

As I troll the internet dating sites I see a frequent self-classification:  Spiritual but not religious.  What does that mean?  I believe in God but don't attend church?  I believe in a higher power but keep it at a distance?  Men who claim this label often state that they have no preference regarding their partner's faith.  So apparently the spirituality they claim is either very private or very tepid.
I think I should clarify my own status.
How 'bout Christian but not like Jerry Falwell?
Or Christian but occasionally promote the Democrats?