Epic Fail

My ex had an impossible dream.  To own a restaurant.  The failure of his impossible dream made it possible for me to leave an impossible marriage.  It was my silver lining.  But I digress.
We bought a restaurant (one of several) with another couple.  Out of the four of us I was the only one without restaurant experience.  Everyone had his job, except moi.  You can be the bartender said my ex but you have to learn the right way.  You have to go to bartending school.
Off I went to a low rent area of Van Nuys (as if there's any other kind), enrolled in bartending school.  This was around the time of that movie, Coyote Ugly, and my fellow classmates all wanted to work at a hot bar, showing off their mad skills and raking in the dough.  Most students were under 25 and a quick perusal revealed I was the only one without any ink. I just wanted to learn how to make a screwdriver, a martini, etc. and thought all that could be accomplished with a few recipe cards.  If you can whip up brownies you can whip up a cocktail, right?
Our middle aged instructor claimed to be a whiz behind the bar and also said he had graduated law school but never taken the bar.  I know there was a story there but I didn't get the chance to hear it. 
We had a mock bar set up with colored water in liquor bottles to practice making drinks.  The instructor stressed mastering a 1 oz pour.  Just the right flick of the wrist, just the right time and make sure you're exact or you won't get hired.  That part I got down.  What threw me was having to memorize the drink recipes.  We could not graduate the course and get our extremely valuable certificate unless we could pass a test displaying our encyclopaedic knowledge of drink recipes and manage an accurate 1 oz pour.
I think my fellow students could memorize all those drinks because at some point they had drunk them.  Knowing I would never reach that pinnacle of memorization I dropped out after a few lessons.  Today I could probably pour an accurate jigger with a little practice but if you ask me how to make an old fashioned I'll tell you to google it on your smartphone.